What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 16:27
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I think the readers, may guess!
Channel Island pharmacists confirm digestion drug shortage - BBC
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do people who were very kind and loving once become cold-hearted?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Is it okay for me to wear girls’ underwear?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why do some men love sucking cocks?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She married twice! .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why The Simpsons stopped producing Maude Flanders episodes?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What is the most gay experience with your dad?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
What isइस संसार में पहले भागवान आया की इंसान?
We were not on the streets..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I waited trembling.
She wouldn,t have been !
How can I get over a break up?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Comes on , in middle age.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
A new type of X-point radiator that prevents tokamaks from overheating - Phys.org
He resisted the act ,that day.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So, i spoilt her more .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But, we were locked up after school.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Put me off passion for life!!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was 9 years of age.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
This is soul school!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When she asked me how she looked .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What did i know ?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One cannot live in the past .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was very sick at this time too.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was scared of men, in general
My life is so biszare .
She was in good health!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I don,t even have a pension.
She found it foreign!.
I will be 64.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So whats the point in blame.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My family never makes their pension either.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Would this be the day?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I have no regrets .
But it wasn’t much.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
All the time i was locked up.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I couldn’t, believe it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I write beautiful poetry .
I said to her
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Ive learnt so much.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Who then, do I blame.?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We all went to grammer schools
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He knew the spot.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She loved him until the end.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im still living with it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i lived it daily.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!